I am sorry. Things have really gone downhill lately. The litter boxes are not clean enough. I know you’ve considered using the bathtub, but please, give me one more chance to change the kitty litter. I promise I’ll make it up to you. Really I will. I’ll open that nice can of salmon, just for you. I know you see it in the cupboard, it’s the 16 oz can. You know it, the big one.
Ok, now I’m begging you – please don’t poop in the bathtub.
I know one of you peed in it. I can tell these things. What can I say? I’m sorry. I know, it’s all my fault. The litter boxes reek so you need a gas mask to go near them. Never mind that there’s no room to move in the litter box so you perch on the edge to do your business. How undignified.
I am so sorry.
It’s just things have been busy lately. I’m working out of the home, and Hubby is home now. I know how you feel about Hubby, but can you give him a chance? He’s only been around for 10 years. You might grow to like him. Or at least tolerate him.
Look, please do not pee in his shoes. I know those size 14 sneakers look like the next thing in litter boxes, but trust me, it’s not worth it. Plus, if you don’t pee in his shoes, I’ll give you more salmon.
Oh, that. The food-thing? Umm…
What can I say? I am so sorry about the food-thing. I know every morning, every noontime, every afternoon, every evening and at 04:00 EST you want fresh cat food in your dish. It’s not much to ask, really, I know. I understand.
But, you need to see it from my angle – I’m super busy, sleep-deprived and trying to do too much. I wrote ‘buy cat food’ on my grocery list three days in a row. Really, I did. I tried so hard. *small voice* And I forgot to buy it, three days in a row. *tear in my eye, choking back sobs*
I’m not sure what happened – last time I went shopping I pushed a screaming baby in the shopping cart and dealt with a four year-old refusing to leave the ice cream section, only to be bribed out by chicken nuggets. That causes a lot of stress, and makes me forget stuff. So I forgot to buy cat food. Three days in a row.
At least I gave you tuna.
Look, I know it’s not salmon.
I am so sorry. What can I say? I know I have stuff to work on. It will get better, I promise. See, I remembered the food this time. It will never happen again.
And I’ll get on those litter boxes, ASAP. Really, I will.
Just don’t poop in the bathtub.