Life with Stay at Home Dad: Welcome aboard the SAHM Enterprise
Stardate: July 19, 2012
Starship Captain’s log:
I have been working almost fulltime for nearly three weeks now. In my absence, second-in-command, aka Hubby, has been at helm for this time.
The carton of eggs I bought during week one is still in the fridge. Strangely, the FOUR cartons of ice cream are not. Note to self: need to investigate meal preparation activities further.
Related to meal preparation, 12 tins of tuna have vanished from the pantry. Could it be the cats seeking revenge for the utter failure to feed them for three days straight? (For details on this situation, see report dated July 14, 2012)
Under my lead our household received an undeserved letter from our landlord citing serious health and safety concerns and the failure to maintain normal housekeeping standards. (For details on this situation, see report dated June 25, 2012)
Under the watchful eye of second-in-command, I feel at this point we truly do deserve the notice citing serious health and safety concerns and failure to maintain normal housekeeping standards. The cats would agree to this.
To date, the following health and safety infractions have been noted:
– Four year-old spraying bottle of Windex into the guinea pig cage. Bottle of Windex is now missing in action. Note to self: check behind the guinea pig cage.
– Two year old is repeatedly biting the baby’s fingers and making him cry. Unsure if baby or two year old is instigator in this conflict. Note to self: follow up with surveillance in this matter.
– Cats have been sighted wearing gas masks in the vicinity of their litter boxes. To avoid further irritating our allies further, employ second-in-command to clean litter boxes ASAP and send peace offering of canned salmon.
In terms of housekeeping standards the following has been noted:
– Large dust bunnies have been observed chasing the cats. This is clearly some form of reverse predator-prey relationship that needs further investigating. Assign this to second-in-command, armed with vacuum cleaner. Set vacuum to ‘suck’ in case the bunnies turn hostile.
– The kitchen sink has now relocated to the gama quadrant. There are echoes of life in the sink being detected by our sensors. The sink terrain has changed from gleaming stainless steel to brown and swamp-like. It is time to boldly go where no man has gone before – follow-up personally armed with plunger, coat hanger, baking soda and vinegar. If this fails, call for back-up ASAP.
In terms of care and educating the children in which second-in-command has been entrusted:
– Second-in-command and said children have been observed at local parks and splash pads. The baby has suntanned legs. Note to self: direct second-in-command in the appropriate techniques for sunscreen application.
– Second-in-command reports taking said children on a bus ride to an Ontario Early Years Centre. I am still awaiting written confirmation of this event by the bus driver and Ontario Early Years Centre staff.
– Four year-old can recite most phrases from all children’s videos on Netflix. Stack of educational letter and number recognition activity books remains untouched. Note to self: instruct second-in-command in appropriate educational activities for children.
– Toddler continues to use the exploring and dumping technique to investigate her environment. Items emptied today include: entire box of tissue, cat food, and bag of pasta. Note to self: query second-in-command re-location of broom and dustpan.
– Baby has mastered speed crawling, which he employs to seek me out and sob at my feet. Baby is also starting to remove items from cupboards and pulling up on random objects, such as a baby doll stroller. Finally, baby has been observed with unusual objects in his mouth – i.e. paper, play doh, and dust bunnies. Note to self: investigate childproofing strategies.
In terms of total household management:
– Second-in-command himself has started a photography blog called leftofurban. This may be an attempt at escapism or further procrastination strategies. Note to self: question second-in-command about his motives, once I’m done writing this post.
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