Stardate: July 23, 2012
Starship Captain’s log:
I have been working almost fulltime for nearly three weeks now. In my absence, second in-command, aka SAHDad /Hubby, has been at helm for this time. For the first report submitted under his command, see report dated July 16, 2012.
Family outings have increased by 50 percent. To date, the entire family has been observed at the Zoo, the local libraries, Art Gallery, various parks, and Conservation Areas. Goal: continue this effort.
Serious health and safety concerns continue to be a problem aboard the SAHM Enterprise with second-in-command at helm. For a thorough report, see details below.
Housekeeping continues to be a serious issue. However, meal preparation has improved marginally. Children are no longer fed pasta all week long; they eat pizza on alternate days. Baby was sighted stuffing half a pound of cold cuts and a chicken leg into his mouth. Five pounds of potatoes vanished from the pantry. Note to self: continue to counsel second in-command in meal planning guidelines according to Canada’s food guide. Check Four year-old’s dump truck for the potatoes.
Health and safety infractions have increased dramatically, necessitating a thorough review of all health and safety protocols. To date, the following health and safety infractions have been noted:
– Starship Captain has a concussion from banging head on cupboard while feeding cats. For full description of this event, see report dated July 20, 2012.
– Four year-old was screened for meningitis following a high fever and debilitating fatigue. Results negative for meningitis. Follow-up: continue to monitor and report to Ship’s Doctor as necessary. Continue to offer Four year-old popsicles and ice cream as treatment.
– Both Baby and Toddler were found to have fevers yesterday. Both had hearty appetites, devouring take-out chicken dinner and responded well to Tylenol, fluids, and rest. Follow-up: continue to monitor and report to Ship’s Doctor as necessary. Instruct second in-command in appropriate hand washing techniques to reduce the spread of germs.
– Baby continues to have sun tanned legs and Toddler now has a heat rash. Follow-up: Instruct second in-command in appropriate safe sun strategies such as staying indoors, as well as sun screen application techniques.
– All children have not been observed in the bathtub for several days now. Baby has a ring of dirt around his neck and Four year-old has permanent dirt streaks on his face. Toddler has been observed washing her own face with a baby wipe. Of note: the cleaning product I sprayed in the tub with instructions to second-in-command to wipe off and rinse was still there days later. Captain cleaned the bathtub herself and questioned possible court-marshal for second-in-command. Note to self: This is clearly the Dirty Bathtub Paradox – if no one is using the bath tub, why is it getting dirty? Need to investigate further, start surveying the cats.
Following the initial report there was a dramatic improvement in housekeeping standards. Dish washing, vacuuming and floor mopping occurred on a semi-regular basis. However, at the date of this report, the following infractions have been noted:
– Cat litter is an ongoing concern and cats continue to be sighted wearing gas masks in the vicinity of their litter boxes. To avoid further irritating our allies further, employ second in-command to clean litter boxes ASAP and send peace offering of canned salmon. Review the Dirty Bathtub Paradox.
– After a brief retreat following the Suck, Vacuum, Mop Campaign the dust bunnies have returned. They are colonizing the space under the beds and have taken over the hallways. Dust bunnies have been reported patrolling the hallways and are clearly planning on taking over the living room. Follow-up: assign this to second in-command as a regular duty. Send second in-command into space under the bed, armed with vacuum cleaner. Set vacuum to ‘suck’ in case the bunnies turn hostile.
– The kitchen sink has yielded unique life forms and continues to be a place of ongoing exploration. Second in-command has made stacking dishes an art form; however washing dishes is clearly secondary in relation to updating his new blog. To check second in-command’s photo blog, click here. Note: there are no photos of the kitchen sink in this blog. This may be avoidance, escapism or just sheer laziness.
In terms of care and educating the children in which second in-command has been entrusted:
– Four year-old continues to recite most phrases from all children’s videos on Netflix. Stack of educational letter and number recognition activity books remains untouched. Follow-up: instruct second in-command in appropriate educational activities for children. Again.
– Four year-old has been having nightmares from watching developmentally inappropriate movies on Netflix (i.e. Avengers). Follow-up: instruct second in-command in appropriate educational activities for children. Again. Consider parent control software for Four year-old and second-in-command.
– Toddler continues to use the exploring and dumping technique to investigate her environment. Toddler has employed Baby as companion and her personal second-in-command. Baby follows Toddler around and they dump stuff in tandem. Follow-up: query second in-command re-location of broom and dustpan and investigate further childproofing strategies.
In terms of total household management:
– Second in-command himself continues to develop his blog. This is clearly an attempt at escapism or further procrastination strategies. He acknowledges the support of his readers and cites number of page views daily. Note to self: question second in-command about his motives, once I’m done writing this post. Again.
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