Full confession: I am a handbag junkie. Names like Fossil, Coach, Michael Kor, Pink Tartan, and Chinese Laundry put me into a swoon of desire. Seriously. My toes curl and my heart races just thinking about them. I might forget your face or name, but I will always remember your purse.
All of my children have inherited this appreciation of fine handbags – Mr. Sensitive is partial to Guess, and Little Miss Adorable spends her days filling her numerous purses with toys and bum-shuffling with them on her arms. Sometimes she has three purses on the go while pushing a baby doll in the stroller. Sometimes she asks for a sippy to hold while pushing the stroller and carrying her purses – where do you think she learned that from?
Recently Hubby was looking for something. I told him to check my purse. What followed was an archeological dig through my fantastic Coach purse (yes, Coach(!) it was on sale at an outlet).
In the dig Hubby found:
– One tube of lipstick (which I don’t wear. Ever)
– Five tubes of lipgloss (which I do wear. Constantly)
– Three sets of keys to our car and home (which explains why he couldn’t find the keys the other day. Oops.)
– Two pink princess pull-up diapers (for Little Miss Adorable)
– Two regular size 3 diapers (for baby Dunk)
– One tube of Vaseline (for the bottoms mentioned above)
– Three pairs of sunglasses (one for me, one for Little Miss Adorable, and one for Mr. Sensitive – really, you can’t argue with that)
– One tube of handcream (I hate dry skin)
– One pair of socks (for indoor playgrounds with ‘must wear socks’ rules)
– One bottle pain relievers (see above indoor playground adventures)
– One invitation to a birthday party we went to three weeks ago (I want to hang onto their contact info and still need to put it into my address book)
– Make that two pairs of socks (see above for indoor playground rationale)
– One unopened map of Crawford Lake Conservation Area (we were there two weeks ago)
– One folded public library summer program schedule (still unopened, it seemed like a good idea at the time)
– Ok, make that two and a half pairs of socks (not sure about the half – but, in case you’re ever stuck at an indoor playground without socks, I’m your gal)
– One squishy ball (for Mr. Sensitive to use for sensory input in stressful situations)
– One plastic chicken (really, this chicken has made grocery line-ups bearable so many times, it deserves to be bronzed)
– A few business cards from healthcare professionals (again, I’ve been meaning to put their contact info into my phone, for about 3 months now)
– One pack of dental floss (hygiene is important)
– One pack of gum (kills bad breath fast)
– Two plastic soldiers (Mr. Sensitive loves conducting his army)
– One firefighter (sadly, not real)
– One wallet (the contents of which will be divulged another day – again, sadly, no money that is real)
– One folded up medication dosage chart with a story idea on it (who knows? This could be valuable to collectors one day *snort*)
– One helicopter
– One leather Coach wristlet (for those days where I don’t want to carry a purse, and can tote ‘just the essentials.’ In case you’re wondering, the plastic chicken is ‘essential.’ Right now, it’s holding a compact with foundation in it. Score! Hubby just found five bucks inside!)
– Optimus Prime’s arm (we do not know where the rest of him is)
– Three pieces of Lego (red, yellow and green)
– One cord for connecting my phone to my laptop (I’m a mama on the go)
– One motorcycle, one bulldozer, one van, three dumptrucks, one pickup, one towtruck, and a 1950s sedan
– Four pacifiers (no explanation needed)
Hubby’s reaction to all this once I explained the purpose of everything?
He said, “It’s like a hooker’s purse, crazy stuff hidden everywhere, like you’re on the run.”
I might just take the 1950s sedan.
His comment, “If you do run away, don’t take the pacifiers. We’ll need them.”