Baby Dunk is a baby who marches to his own drummer. Fortunately for us, most of the time we can see the influence of all family members on the things he does – so we know where that drummer’s coming from. Born at 41 weeks via C-section, he is now a typically developing one year old.
Literally born sucking his fingers, the suck-suck sounds of newborn Baby Dunk filled the operating room as the surgeon closed my body. Baby Dunk was ready to feed before I was, and he gained a good amount of weight before being demitted from the hospital as a healthy newborn. I, on the other hand, struggled to eat hospital food and be comfortable in any position as my body recovered from the second C-section in two years.
In those early days I gazed with adoration at newborn Baby Dunk, noticing his broad head, large hands and muscular physique. He’s going to be a fighter, I thought. Was Mommy instinct ever right.
As a newborn baby, he spent his early days under the watchful eye of Little Miss Adorable. A veteran mommy of an army of baby dolls, she mothered him as only a toddler can. She’d chat to him, give him his pacifier and change his diaper if he stayed still long enough.
By the age of three months Baby Dunk was too active for Little Miss Adorable to deal with, she preferred taking care of newborns and her baby dolls. He would not stay still and be a ‘good baby’ and he was now creeping across the floor on his back. We are still not sure how he did it. Baby Dunk was demitted from her care.
Mr. Sensitive took over parenting duties, although his drive to find out ‘what happens if’ led to much baby squeezing and pacifier removal. Baby Dunk would smile, laugh, cry and bite accordingly, and Mr. Sensitive developed healthy respect for babies.
Mr. Sensitive is a scientist, and very interested in the adaptive traits of animals. When I recently asked, “How does Baby Dunk protect himself?” Mr. Sensitive replied, “He stinks and he bites.”
Mr. Sensitive is absolutely right.
Baby Dunk bites everyone and everything, and laughs evilly while you shriek in pain. Shoulders, arms, fingers, and ahem, more delicate areas. If it’s in his reach, he’ll bite it. He thinks nothing of speed crawling across the floor only to bite you on the shin or knee cap.
Baby Dunk is probably the only baby in the world that meets all the milestones on those child development charts when he’s supposed to. Baby cobra pose at 3.5 months? Check. Sitting at 5.5 months? Check. Crawling at 6.5 months? Check. Teeth at 3.5 months? Oh no!!
As a speed-crawling, sitting, biting force of destruction, Baby Dunk joins Little Miss Adorable in her quest to empty kitchen cupboards and sort Tupperware. Baby Dunk sits with his back against hers and together they would explore the wonderful world of kitchenware. As far as I know, he doesn’t bite her. But everyone else is fair game.
Even our house pets have a healthy respect for Baby Dunk – he’d crawl up to a cat or dog, and with lightning speed put the poor creature in a headlock and bite it. Baby bites dog, dog runs away. Baby Dunk laughs manically.
In the past month Baby Dunk has upgraded his method of attack. Kicking. Lest you think this is cute, baby wiggling their toes kicking, I assure you it is not. Karate masters have nothing on the lightning speed and force Baby Dunk delivers.
I have a bruised orbital bone to prove it. What happened? I was sound asleep and he kicked me in the face. I jolted awake in pain and the sound of impact filling my head. WHOMP! So much for co-sleeping being a sign of kinder and gentler parenting. Around here, it’s a sport.
I got off easy. Poor Hubby lost a tooth.
Hubby was trying to get Baby Dunk down for a nap and lay down beside him. WHOMP! A sharp kick to his face and Hubby’s tooth went flying through the air. We’re trying to keep Baby Dunk in a crib, if only for our own protection.
One day Baby Dunk joined the scrum of preschoolers at a community story time event. Preschoolers shrieked, marched and leapt wildly. Baby Dunk crawled in to their midst, looking up at the children expectantly. Mr. Sensitive led the preschool parade in playing with his baby. Soon all the children were calling ‘Baby, come!’ and would pet Baby Dunk on the head when he crawled over to their feet.
One of the watching parents turned to me and said, “They’re treating him like a dog. Are you OK with that?”
“Careful,” I called out to a preschooler who was trying to remove the pacifier from Baby Dunk’s mouth, “Be careful, he bites!”
I looked at the parent, “It’s not him I’m worried about.”