The Dunk is a typically developing toddler, who is nearly two. Which means he is entering ‘the terrible twos,’ a childhood stage where due to intellectual growth and limited emotional development, the child clearly knows what they want and is very frustrated when things don’t go their way, leading to refusals and tantrums.
God help us.
The Dunk has the strength and tenacity of a pit bull terrier, coupled with incredible athletic ability. So he will fight you tooth and nail to get what he wants. Or, just climb up to get it himself.
Meal preparation takes on a nightmarish quality as I try to explain to The Dunk that he cannot eat a frozen pizza now, Mommy needs to cook it in the oven first. Frenzied climbing, tears and tantrums follow. Oven locks are tested to the limit as The Dunk attempts to remove the pizza from the oven. Mine! Pizza!
I’m tempted to just hand him the frozen pizza, I’m sure he’d be able to chew through it.
Notorious for biting, kicking, and hitting parents, siblings and pets alike, The Dunk has caused some catastrophic injuries to all around him. See Dunk-Dunk Attacks for more on this one.
In a quest for independence, The Dunk has also mastered the art of removing his own diaper. Well-meaning friends suggested duct taping it on him. The problem is he can already remove duct tape – we tried to secure some cupboards with it and he immediately peeled it off and opened the forbidden cupboards, rooting through all things fascinating to a two year old – cat food, cooking supplies, dishes were quickly combined in ways only a toddler can dream of.
Yesterday’s diaper change led to me chasing a naked Dunk throughout our home, marvelling at his speed and quick reflexes. He’ll be a natural on the football field, dodging and taking hits like a pro. Right now I think being naked just makes him more aerodynamic.
Once captured The Dunk continues to resist all diapering efforts, employing moves designed to thwart actually taping it up. The drop to the floor. Downward dog pose. Wriggling fiendishly. And then just peeling the tape off himself.
It’s enough to make any parent dream of potty training.
As with most two year olds, language development explodes and their vocabulary expands dramatically. The Dunk is no exception. His favorite things right now are trucks and heavy machinery. Unfortunately The Dunk cannot pronounce the ‘tr’ sound in truck.
He substitutes ‘f.’
So a drive on the highway sounds like “Big Fuck! Big Fuck! Big Fuck!” A walk through a parking lot has The Dunk yelling and pointing “Look! Fuck! Fuck!” as other shoppers stare at the swearing toddler. Mothers in playgroups pull their own children closer as The Dunk motors around yelling, “Fuck! Fuck!”
As parents we accept the fact that The Dunk swears like a trucker – or is that a fucker? and ignore the ‘f’ sound, and attempt to model proper pronunciation. But its so damned funny, you can’t help but laugh.
The other day The Dunk was pushing a bulldozer across our floor and it got caught on something. Frustrated, The Dunk yelled, “Move! Fuck! Move!” in toddler-style road rage.
Looks like the terrible twos bring potty training and potty mouth.